Some people frequently make the News by making ridiculous
statements. Such is the case with Pat Robertson who last week
said it was God’s punishment for dividing up the Holy Land that
Ariel Sharon is suffering from a stroke. Remarks like this are so
unbelievable that they first appear to be satire, yet, knowing the
sources, we sadly realize they are speaking what they believe.
President Bush is another of these noteworthy news makers. It is
hard for satirists to top some of these but the following is, in my
opinion, something else Robertson could have said.

ROBERTSON: Sex to Become Obsolete (Satire)

By Daniel D. Ziegler

It might be a hard pill to swallow, but it was suggested today, by Pat
Robertson, in a speech to a pharmaceutical conference addressing ethical
considerations, that sexual reproduction should be completely outlawed. In a
complete turn-around from his previous stands on cloning and stem cell
research, Robertson suggested that pharmaceutical companies be given the
go-ahead to begin cloning and using other non-sexual reproduction methods
and procedures to propagate the human race.

“I have re-examined my position on cloning,” he said. “It would save the
human race from complete moral degradation.” Robertson added, “Sex is the
cause of immorality not only in this country but around the world. Just look at
AIDS. We need to relieve ourselves of sex before God destroys us and we
vanish from the planet. Asexual reproduction is the best way and I know God
would approve.”

Robertson, thought to be a large stockholder of several drug firms, explained
that pharmaceutical companies, with their large profits, can use their vast
resources to “further line their pockets while contributing to the benefit of
mankind.” He added, “We need large pharmas if the human race is to
survive. Without all our pills, where would we be?”

Outlining such a program, the moral leader explained that although this
method seems radical to some, it really lies in the best interest of all.
“Children, particularly, would benefit,” Robertson told his audience, “since we
know that children suffer irreparable harm from being exposed to the most
seemingly insignificant acts of sex, such as seeing a mother breast feeding a
child. Total abstinence and growing up in a sexless world would produce
generations of morally and psychologically healthy children,” he added.

“Making sexual reproduction a crime would eventually lead to forgetting about
sex entirely,“ a copy of the full speech stated. “Once we have reached that
goal, so-called sex crimes, such as pornography and prostitution, would no
longer attract people. There would be no need for them, right?” The copy
further suggested, it would eventually lead to less or no homosexuality also,
since homosexuality is nothing but a perversion of normal sex, which itself is
the basis of immorality, as already pointed out.

“And it goes without saying,” Robertson spoke, “without sex, AIDS and other
STD’s would no longer inflict the human race and the pharmaceutical
companies would no longer be burdened to supply these drugs to our third
world countries. Instead they could focus their production and profits on
producing moral, Christian human beings over there. There is no doubt that
there would be many willing to pay for such a service.”

In connection to Robertson’s speech, it was reported by an unknown source
that a wire tapped phone call from President Bush to Robertson included
Bush asking Robertson if somehow oil companies could be included in his
plan. “Surely there is enough money in getting rid of sex for all of us,
especially compassionate, loving Christians,” he was heard saying. “Know
what I mean? “Ah…let’s you and I get together, Pat, and feel this thing out,
okay?.” The recording continued with an inaudible response from Robertson.

Copyright 2006 Daniel D. Ziegler
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