LESS-ONS For Christians

NOTE: Humor often does more than entertain us and make us laugh. It often serves as a mirror in
which we see ourselves in ways we usually don't get to. Satire is a form of humor which uses irony,
sarcasm, ridicule, etc., in exposing ourselves in ways we sometimes don't want to be seen, yet satire
also can point us in new directions of thinking not before considered. While the following piece may
offend some, it is not intended to offend anyone. The intent is to offer an idea or suggestion that may
sound ridiculous at the onset but may, indeed, have some merit. Perhaps Rapture Rehearsals for
fearful Christians may be an idea whose time has come and someone from one of the many
Christian nudist/naturist organizations will come forward and take up the challenge. ddz

Rapture Rehearsal - Satire

A major but seldom talked about concern among many Christians is finally being
addressed by no less than a fearless President George W. Bush. In a shocking
press conference, Bush announced that even if it means the unprecedented
action of going against Christian leadership, he is doing it. “The issue of the
average Christian’s fear of being rendered naked during the impending
Rapture, as prophesied in the Bible, must be met and dealt with.”

It is unclear why the President is taking such action at this time, but some say it
is an attempt to bolster support from both the left and the right. Others see it as
Bush’s way of trying to save souls.

“As leader of the people of this great country it is my job to address all concerns
my fellow Americans might have, and frankly, many saved Christians are afraid
of being naked even in front of their Maker. With the Rapture not that far off, I
have decided to address this issue…. Notice   I said “adDRESSED”? That’s
really a joke, ha, ha, because we will be undressed according to scriptures.”

Bush went on to explain that the Rapture is when born-again Christians will be
plucked from the earth so fast by God, that many will literally be sucked out of
their clothing. He went on to cite Revelations 16: 15 in the Bible which says:
Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his
garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame.
“That will be a scary
time,” the President continued, “and I don’t think God intends it to be, but
perhaps it is an oversight or something on His part, but we can prepare
ourselves for it, like we have prepared for other situations, such as Katrina.”

Bush announced that working with many obscure Christian nudist organizations,
clothing-optional rehearsals for The Rapture will be held in many cities where
people who are ashamed of their nude bodies will be able to participate. During
these rehearsals, people will get used to the idea of being around nudity and
even have the option of participating themselves without fear of being arrested.  
Mr. Bush said he had some experiences like this earlier in his life and really
enjoyed them. Grinning and snickering he added, “In a way, this will be like the
old college grassers we use to have, but this is more serious, of course.

“These rehearsals will also be a way of bringing Americans from extreme ends
of the spectrum together.

Asked if some people would actually be nude at these rehearsals, Bush replied,
“Why of course they will be nude, that’s what a rehearsal is for, isn’t it?"

Responding to a follow up question about nudity being immoral according to the
Bible, Bush said, “Look, I am the President and I have to make decisions that
serve the people. I have been elected to do a job and when I see people hurting,
I will do what I can do to help. No one should suffer through the Rapture and I
intend to see that that doesn’t happen."

Asked if he would attend and if he planned on taking his clothes off, the
President said he would certainly drop in on some but due to his schedule would
not have time to disrobe. Perhaps alluding to earlier experiences in his life, he
added “I don’t really need the practice anymore.”

“I urge all Americans to come to these Rapture rehearsals. Those who are
saved, of course, will benefit and those that are not saved, well,… we will get to
see them all,” he grinned.”

All this comes at a time when President Bush is even losing approval even
among the Christian Right leadership. “

Copyright 2006 Daniel D. Ziegler
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